Home Alone.

Have you ever left a 2 year old child locked inside a house alone? No?... me either *coughs* technically she wasn't so much locked in, as I was locked OUT.

Caitie had been riding her bike in the backyard, and I thought she might be thirsty so I went out there to ask her if she would like a drink. As I headed back towards the door I heard a click, then Lilly jiggled the handle around a bit and said "Mummy! Door locked!"

I gave the door handle a bit of a jiggle and came to the same conclusion.

"Unlock it!" she demanded. Unfortunately that was a bit tricky for me since the key was on the inside, with her. Too high for her to reach of course, since we wouldn't want her to be able to get her hands on it and lose it would we? If she could have reached it this story would probably be a lot shorter, I could have gotten her to slide the key under the door to me, then I could have unlocked the door and come inside. The End.

The real story went a little bit more like this.. "Lilly the silver one.. the shiny one.. the SHINY one!!" "Look Lilly turn it like this" *Mummy makes a turning motion in the air* "See Lilly, do that on the shiny bit!" *Lilly makes a turning motion in the air* "No Lilly, turn the shiny bit!" *Lilly pulls on the handle as hard as she can* "Like this?" "No Lilly, click the little silver bit, push it over to the side!" *Lilly tries to turn the lock, but pushes it in the wrong direction* "No, Lilly the OTHER way!" "Oh RIGHT!!" *Lilly pulls on the handle some more*

Now I'm not sure exactly how long this went on, but Play School had only been on for a short time when I went out there, and it was almost finished by the time we got back in. So at least 15 minutes, maybe more.

I'm just glad she didn't wander off! I think the fact that Mummy kept giggling made her think that it was a fun new game. Although I doubt that I would have still been giggling if she hadn't eventually managed to unlock it again. If I'd been stuck sitting in the backyard for almost 2 hours, while she was inside alone waiting for Jase to get home I suspect it wouldn't have been quite as funny anymore!

From now on I am taking the key with me EVERY time I go outside.

If only we had a doggy door.

Mmm, Delicious!

The girls got a little toy microwave for Christmas. It's battery operated, and when you turn it on the little light comes on inside and the turntable rotates. It's great! It came with a variety of pretendy food, that you can "chop up" using the little knife and cutting board that came with it (through the magic of velcro dots).

They both love it and play with it often, so a few minutes ago when I walked into the playroom to see what the kids were up to and found Lilly playing with it I thought nothing of it.

30 seconds later the little pink microwave went ding, and she opened up the little door and pulled out the little toy plate.

"Lilly did you just cook poo in your microwave?"
"YES!"

She then pulled her "that's disgusting" face, but I wasn't fooled. I don't think she was disgusted at all!

Yes that's right, she pooped on a teeny tiny little toy plate, and then she COOKED it!

Who knows how it would have ended if I hadn't been there to yell at her and briskly carry the poo off to the toilet to be flushed...

Pure Hilarity!

Lilly - KNOCK KNOCK WHO'S THERE!?
Mummy - Are you telling a joke Lilly?
Lilly - YES! KNOCK KNOCK
Mummy - Who's There?
Lilly - DADDY!
Mummy - Daddy who?
Lilly - DADDY....mouth... yes, DADDY MOUTH! *nods a bit*

-insert Mummy telling her what a marvellous joke that was-

Lilly - DADDY HEAD TOO!!!


She's such a cute kid! Not very funny though.

Fartybums

This morning Caitie did the most impressive fart I have heard issue from the bottom of a small child.

She was sitting on the floor in front of the telli watching Bear in the Big Blue House (wearing no pants of course, these kids often choose to pursue the nudist lifestyle in the comfort of their own home.. actually anywhere I'll let them get away with it) when suddenly there was an explosive rumbling sound and I swear the floor vibrated.

I looked over to her and she was hunched over, peering under her bottom (I think she was checking to see if there was any follow through) and then she started giggling and she said "I did fartybums.. it scared me!!"

I probably should have reminded her to excuse herself, but I'm afraid I was too busy laughing.

If she had been wearing underpants I bet there would have been a comical hole ripped in the arse of them!

copy and paste

JelliBean> also I have no presnt for you yet
JelliBean> it didn't not arrive in the mail today :/
Philgone> BITCH! :P
Philgone> it didn't not arrive?
Philgone> so it.. did.. arrive
JelliBean> hehe oops darn typos
JelliBean> I meant did not
JelliBean> I am wrestling Lilly
Chug> In jelly?
JelliBean> cos she keeps putting her arms down the front of my shirt to grab my nipples
Chug> hehe
JelliBean> and then she yells BOOBIES and giggles lots
Philgone> that is the best story I have heard all day

Stop, thief!

Lilly just tried to make a break for it, well either that or she was trying to steal my shoes.

I went out to check the letterbox and she shuffled out behind me wearing my shoes. She shuffled all the way down the driveway to the letterboxes with me.

Our neighbour was outside loading her car and after a few called out pleasantries I turned around to see Lilly heading off down the street. Admittedly she hadn't actually quite reached the road, but still, she was OFF!! As fast as her little shuffly, giant shoe wearing feet could take her!

When I yelled "Oi Lilly STOP!" she gained even more speed.

I don't know if you have ever seen a small child trying to run while they are wearing grown up shoes, but trust me, it's pretty darn funny :P

And now for a picture totally unrelated to my story..

No Poo in this Post

I just caught Lilly doing something rather amusing.

I had made some fairy bread toast for the kids for their afternoon tea and I hadn't yet put the margarine or hundreds and thousands away.

Caitie and I were sitting in the lounge when I realised I wasn't sure where Lilly was, and she being awfully quiet - a recipe for disaster I can assure you.

Then I heard it. A small sound from the direction of the kitchen. She had given her position away! I quietly snuck towards the door and peeped in to see her standing on a chair that she had pushed up against the bench. She had removed her pants and was busily smearing her legs and bare buttocks with margarine.

Next she grabbed the hundreds and thousands shaker and tried to sprinkle them onto the margarine on her legs.

That's about the time I started giggling.

Seriously, I have strange children.