Fartybums

This morning Caitie did the most impressive fart I have heard issue from the bottom of a small child.

She was sitting on the floor in front of the telli watching Bear in the Big Blue House (wearing no pants of course, these kids often choose to pursue the nudist lifestyle in the comfort of their own home.. actually anywhere I'll let them get away with it) when suddenly there was an explosive rumbling sound and I swear the floor vibrated.

I looked over to her and she was hunched over, peering under her bottom (I think she was checking to see if there was any follow through) and then she started giggling and she said "I did fartybums.. it scared me!!"

I probably should have reminded her to excuse herself, but I'm afraid I was too busy laughing.

If she had been wearing underpants I bet there would have been a comical hole ripped in the arse of them!

copy and paste

JelliBean> also I have no presnt for you yet
JelliBean> it didn't not arrive in the mail today :/
Philgone> BITCH! :P
Philgone> it didn't not arrive?
Philgone> so it.. did.. arrive
JelliBean> hehe oops darn typos
JelliBean> I meant did not
JelliBean> I am wrestling Lilly
Chug> In jelly?
JelliBean> cos she keeps putting her arms down the front of my shirt to grab my nipples
Chug> hehe
JelliBean> and then she yells BOOBIES and giggles lots
Philgone> that is the best story I have heard all day

Stop, thief!

Lilly just tried to make a break for it, well either that or she was trying to steal my shoes.

I went out to check the letterbox and she shuffled out behind me wearing my shoes. She shuffled all the way down the driveway to the letterboxes with me.

Our neighbour was outside loading her car and after a few called out pleasantries I turned around to see Lilly heading off down the street. Admittedly she hadn't actually quite reached the road, but still, she was OFF!! As fast as her little shuffly, giant shoe wearing feet could take her!

When I yelled "Oi Lilly STOP!" she gained even more speed.

I don't know if you have ever seen a small child trying to run while they are wearing grown up shoes, but trust me, it's pretty darn funny :P

And now for a picture totally unrelated to my story..

No Poo in this Post

I just caught Lilly doing something rather amusing.

I had made some fairy bread toast for the kids for their afternoon tea and I hadn't yet put the margarine or hundreds and thousands away.

Caitie and I were sitting in the lounge when I realised I wasn't sure where Lilly was, and she being awfully quiet - a recipe for disaster I can assure you.

Then I heard it. A small sound from the direction of the kitchen. She had given her position away! I quietly snuck towards the door and peeped in to see her standing on a chair that she had pushed up against the bench. She had removed her pants and was busily smearing her legs and bare buttocks with margarine.

Next she grabbed the hundreds and thousands shaker and tried to sprinkle them onto the margarine on her legs.

That's about the time I started giggling.

Seriously, I have strange children.

Lilly likes to poo on the carpet.

This is the face of a child who likes to poo on the floor.

It seems like every second day that Caitie comes running up to me yelling "Mum Mum it's an EMERGENCY!". Lilly likes to take off her pants and her nappy you see. Even though it's winter and her little legs and feet get bloody cold. A nappyless child wandering around on carpet.. I'm sure you can imagine the fun I have.

Usually Caitie yells "Mum Mum it's an EMERGENCY!" and I go in there with some toilet paper and I pick up the poop and I chuck it in the loo (hooray for solid kiddy poop) and lecture Lilly on how she should go sit on the potty if she feels like doing poos and she agrees by saying "yeah!" and then she'll go sit on the potty and give me one of those big cheesy grins and then a minute later she will lose interest and wander off.

But not today. Today was different.

This morning Caitie came hopping up to me and said "Mummy I've stepped on something" so I looked at the bottom of her foot and saw a brown smear. "Is that poo?" I asked her. "Yes" she said.

She thought she remembered where she had stepped in it so she led me into her bedroom and pointed. Alas, that was the location of the poo we discovered last night as we put the kids to bed (Lilly is a stealth pooper and if Caitie or I don't catch her at it then she will quietly leave her deposit to be discovered by somebody else later).

Thus began the great poo hunt.

We checked the playroom first because that's a room that tends to promote a lot of crouching as they play on the floor, but there was no poo to be found. (By the way I did wipe the poop off of Caitie's foot with a baby wipe right after she showed me - just in case you were thinking I'd left it there and was still making her hop around the house). So next we headed to the loungeroom and there in the centre of the floor, on a piece of paper was a big poop.

I went and tipped it in the loo and then I threw the paper away. Caitie was most upset about the paper being thrown away. She had been going to make something with it apparently.

Then I came back into the room and noticed some more little mysterious brown chunks on the floor near the tv. The open box of Chocolate flavoured Wiggles ABC Letter Biscuits lay nearby. Were they small nuggets of poo, or were they delicious tasty biscuits? How could I be sure?

So I grabbed a trusty popstick from the useful box and I gave them a poke. They were Biscuits! Thank goodness.

And thus concludes today's poopy adventure.

Mysterious Excrement of DOOOOOOOM!!

This afternoon we paid a visit to our local Dewsons to buy the fixings for a delicious dinner, all had gone well, we were on our way back to the car when Caitie was heard to say "I'm BUSTING!". Another trip to the public toilets had become necessary.

I say another because we had already made a mad dash to the dunny about 15 minutes beforehand (this kid piddles a lot).

Hand in hand we walked briskly, unprepared for what was laying in wait just around the corner.

The toilets are about 10m down a corridor that is situated in an out of the way corner of the shopping centre. As we came closer to the corridor I said to Caitie "Gee, it's a bit stinky isn't it?" and then we saw why. There in the very centre of the floor, about 1 step into the corridor was a pile of poo. By pile I mean at least 3 large logs. Somebody had crapped on the floor, and boy did it STINK!

If it hadn't been a toilet emergency we would have just turned straight around, but Caitie was BUSTING. We had to edge our way past it and carry on. I had never really considered how poorly ventilated that corridor was, but I was considering it now.

I thought the walk to the toilet had been bad, but when we stepped out of the ladies, and looked back up the corridor we could see it on the floor in the distance, mocking us. Each step we took brought us closer to it, closer and closer, and then it was right there and we were edging around it again. And then we were out! We had safely made it past. I would have sighed with relief, but the smell was pretty bad, and you know how it is with horrible smells and breathing through your mouth, I certainly had no desire to 'taste' it.

I wonder if it is there still?

The cleaning ladies don't work on Sundays..

Oopsies!

I just figured out why I couldn't remember the password for my blog.

I had the password right, it was the username I was getting wrong. 'Mellibean' would have had their password emailed to them a few times now, cos I kept requesting it and it just didn't turn up! :P

See what happens when your hard drive dies and all the little .txt files that you use to remember things are suddenly gone!

Toilet Paper

I just had some birthday fun! (yes today is my birthday).

I was walking past the potty when I noticed that it was full of liquid poo (ew). I wasn't overly surprised since yesterday was her birthday and she ate lots of cakes and lollies and things.

So anyway I grabbed the potty to empty it and yelled out to Caitie to come quick and get her bum wiped, but she didn’t come. I ended up yelling at her to hurry up and when she wandered in I turned her around and realised her bum was already clean and there was no poo smears inside her dress.. so I asked her what she had wiped her bum with and she said “a blanket”.. It turned out to be a baby wrap that she had been using in her toy cradle (at least it wasn't the teddy bear the blanket was wrapped around).

It was fairly gross but at least there wasn’t poo on different chairs/the floor/cushions (etc.) through the house. I'd rather wash one baby blankie than all of the furniture.

I told her good girl for wiping, but next time come tell Mummy and I’ll get you some toilet paper.

More about wee.

I think Lilly may have just done a wee in the potty!!

I can't be 100% certain because Caitie informs me that she had already done a wee in the potty before I found Lilly sitting on it (it's great that she wees in the potty, but I wish she'd remember to come tell me after she does it so I can go flush it. I once found a potty 3/4 full of wee and it had been less than an hour since I last checked it, that kid is a piddle pup I tells ya!).

Anyway, back to Lilly. I was sitting here and heard a liquidy splashing sound. When I turned to look I saw Lilly sitting on the potty with a big grin on her face.

It's very exciting! She's only 12 and a half months old! If we do it right then soon I won't have to change any nappies at all!! (after 3 years of constant nappy changing this idea is sounding bloody brilliant!)

Wee!

Caitie and Lilly were playing quietly together in the other room when suddenly I heard Lilly start to scream. I went to investigate, only to find them fighting over a little squirty fish bath toy.

I confiscated it under the motherly law of "if you can't share quietly then neither of you can have it" when I realised what the squirty toy was full of, and it was certainly not plain old water.

Wee from the potty!

Ew!!

Floor POO! Most Unexpected.

Not more than 5 minutes ago I was quietly sitting here at the desk writing a list. Caitie happily watching Play School beside me, and Lilly happily emptying the bookshelf behind me (as she does). When suddenly I detected that unmistakable fragrance of baby excrement.

[flashback to half an hour ago] Caitie rips off her undies as she runs for the potty, Lilly watching closely proceeds to remove her nappy. "How cute", I think to myself, "She's trying to be just like her big sister".

[back to the present] I slowly rotate my chair to see Lilly surrounded by a pile of paperback novels. Perhaps I was mistaken, maybe she just farted. I get up to look. I can definitely smell poopies. So I lift up a book. Anne McCaffrey's "The White Dragon" will never be the same again.

Luckily this was the only casualty (Besides the carpet).

Now if you will excuse me, I am going to phone Mum to ask how much it will cost to have the entire house tiled.

Ta!

Yesterday Lilly tried to hand me some poo.

I took off her wet nappy and went to get a new one, but I got side tracked and flopped down on the bed for a minute. She wandered in and started talking to herself in the mirror (as she does).

As I was lying there a strange smell assaulted my nose. It was a poopy kind of smell and I was fairly certain that it was not from my bottom. My first thought was "oh no, Caitie is bringing me her potty again!", but when I sat up she was nowhere to be seen.

My attention turned to Lilly.

Lilly who was holding something in her hand as she headed out the door. "What have you got Lill?" I asked her. She turned to look at me with a huge, beaming smile upon her face, she held out her hand to me and said "Ta!" (which is what she says when she wants to hand me something)

Thank goodness she didn't decide to draw on the walls with it.

Bloody hell, it's HOT!!

Seriously the minimum Temperature last night was 27.7 (degrees celcius) at about 5:30am. It was about 33 at 9am and it hit 40.something at about 1pm. It's now 4:14 and the current temperature is 39.9.

I'm about ready to melt.

Hot weather with small children is slightly different to your normal hot weather. When it's hot you usually like to sit yourself in front of a fan (god I wish we had air conditioning) and you avoid contact with other people because it's too damn hot. But not little kids, for some unknown reason they still want to cuddle you all day. I'm dripping with sweat, they're dripping with sweat, but still we are cuddling.

Plus they keep eating all my icy-poles!

In other news, Lilly pooed on the carpet in the loungeroom yesterday. It wasn't solid little turds this time either . Then we went outside and she pooed on the bricks.

Is it the POX?!?

At first I thought so, but now I have done some extensive searching on the internet and I think she has roseola.

Melli MD makes another sterling diagnosis.

My First Poo Post

As a responsible mother I feel it important to highlight the fact that I see a lot of other peoples poo. By other people I of course mean my own two children, but I don't think that makes it any less icky.

Babies especially have a very special poo power. They are able to stain every single item of clothing they're wearing with a single poop. And then they get to lie there placidly (by placidly I of course mean wriggling around like a slippery little monkey) while some poor sap (ie. Me) cleans them up and changes their clothes and sends them on their way.

Guess what Lilly just did..

Tricksy Chairs

Watching Lilly try to sit on a little kiddy sized chair is rather amusing.

First she looks at the chair, then she starts slowly backing towards it, turning to look at it every so often to make sure it hasn't gotten away. When her butt is pressed against the edge, she then plonks herself down.

This is generally followed with a loud "AAAAYAAEEEAAAARHA-EAAAH" directed at me because surely it's my fault that she finds herself sitting on the floor in front of her target.

At least she has a well padded, nappy covered bottom.

Entry number the one.

Today we went to Kings Park for Lilly's first birthday party.